Ways to know you've been single for WAY too long

Well you guys are in for a treat because I’ve decided to go with my original plans for today’s blog thanks mainly to my dog Pepsi. I was pretty enraged thanks to my jackass step-father, but after giving my dog a nice big comforting hug my anger seemed to go away and I was able to put back my ugly side, but that’s a story for another day. Today’s blog is about being a single guy for WAY too long and the signs to let you know that you fall in to this category. By the way this is in many ways a jab at myself so don’t think I’m talking about anyone else.

The one thing that will happen is your one to ten scale goes through some changes. Now don’t get me wrong this can easily be a good thing because if you don’t alter it you will never lose your status of being single. Take for example myself: before it used to be a complete turn off if a girl smoked however that changed gradually and now it’s not an issue with me.

Another way to tell is when you see a woman from far away, like say going into a gas station while you are at a gas pump, and thinking to yourself that she looks hot. Then when you go into the gas station and get a close up look at her and realize she isn’t that great looking and continue on your way then after she passes you again you say to yourself she isn’t that bad looking. When that happens it’s a sure sign that you’ve been single for WAY too long.

If most of the women you see while walking around the school are eights or higher, it’s a good chance that you have been single for WAY too long. Heck if you go in to your first day of class and hope that there are some cute women in your class it’s a good chance that you have been single for WAY too long.

Now you may be asking yourself “What makes Spence such an authority on being single for WAY too long?” Well that’s an easy question. You see I’m 30 years old and in my entire life I’ve been in .5 relationships. Now I’m sure you are wondering “How can someone be in .5 relationships?” Wow I’m glad you asked. You see back in high school, I think it was my sophomore year in fact, I had a friend who was having a problem getting rid of his ex-girlfriend who was being a little clingy in his mind so I made the suggestion of setting me up with her. We went to lunch after that and when I came back my friends told me that I was officially going out with her. So after eating lunch I went over to talk to her for a little bit to get to know her and after lunch we went our separate ways. The next morning my friend gives me a break-up note from her. Now considering this relationship lasted oh say only a few hours not even twenty-four hours at that, I personally don’t count it. On the other hand she does count it, so since only half of us count it, it’s only half of a relationship.

Now keep some things in mind first of all every single one of these could go for women as well. Secondly please I beg of you do not take this as an invite to try to fix me up with anyone. Where I’m at right now in my life I’m not looking for a woman, if one should happen across my path then I would not turn a way but please do not put one in my path. Finally this was intended to be a light hearted blog as opposed to yesterday’s blog this was all meant to be a joke.

Now for what really does seem to be a fan favorite part of my blog the Random Bachelor Dare Card of the Day.

Today’s card is: “Offer to buy a drink for the first girl who delivers her thong to you”

Wow I told you there was some interesting one’s in that deck. That one could be funny to watch and who knows maybe even could lead to something more.

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